I Belive In That Something Too

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love’s illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

I Choose You by Sara Bareilles

I love how this song makes me want to believe in something as well.

During our first class in Caligraphy when I was in High School, our first written essay in Caligraphy was answering the question, “What’s your biggest fear?”. I fear rejection, neglect and getting my heart broken.That was my answer, as far as I can remember. But I focused more on the broken-hearted part.

I don’t know if it’s the effect of the series and movies that I’ve watched, but I’ve grown up really afraid of falling in love. I couldn’t imagine myself holding-hands-while-walking with a guy in that look-at-us-we’re-in-love kind of way. It’s the strangest thought my brain considered.

However, I’m a normal girl so of course, I’ve been interested to a number of guys in school and in the neighborhood. But it’s plain crushness. Infatuation, as what they say is the right term. That cute, clean-looking guy in the library who’s busy finishing his thesis with his laptop? Crush-type. That boy in the cafeteria who cracks a joke and owned (maybe) the world’s most genuine laugh (he’s got that I-have-a-problem-but-the-hell-I-care laugh) ? Crush-type. That guy who practices every morning a variety of skateboarding styles, not to mention the coolest way he brushes his hair? Crush-type.

All guy seems to be my crush. I admire them. I’m good at admiring and praising people. I can honestly tell a guy that I like him, face-to-face without sounding like I’m flirting. Just plain frankness. But that’s it. We’ll be friends. Buddy-buddy. Maybe also because I’ve grown up with boys that’s why I can’t see myself entering in a serious relationship. “Choosy ka lang.” (You’re just choose-y.), my friend told me. No, I’m not. Besides, you don’t choose whom you fall in love with, right? (Oh, movies.)

I know I am scared. I’ve seen people lost their identity because of love. However, deep down, I believe in the power of that something as well. I just don’t like the Trial And Error Method way these days. It only takes one person to say you’re beautiful, Nick Vujicic once said in a visit to Manila. I’ve kept that well-hidden in mind.

Hoping for the best,

Jill ♥

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One thought on “I Belive In That Something Too

  1. I had a laugh at “All guys seem to be my crush” part. XD Could relate much to it. Haha. Gosh, Jill. We have a lot of things in common. 😀

    And yeah. I totally agree that we can’t choose whom we fall in love with. It just happens. Even when we least expect it to.

    Let’s just leave it all up to Him. He surely has a wonderful plan. 🙂

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